Stalked – Chapter 4

I’ve never felt so helpless and desperate in my life, but after meeting Detective Lorrie, I had some hope.  It’s been months but felt like a lifetime.  It started October 12th and it is now March and 6 months in.  I want desperately to believe her.

March 1st

Court for Chris and my appeal for the PO’s Mike put on us.  He dropped them in open court.  He knew we had the surveillance video that showed proof he was clearly lying, and therefore helping our case.  Fully thing about this tape, it shows ‘stalker’ (Mike) waiting on, watching and following Chris. Chris doesn’t even know he’s there.  He’s getting gas, washing his window, oblivious that Stalker is even there. This is the incident Stalker used as being “life threating” on his PO.  Stalker states in PO paperwork, this is when Chris made him fear for his life.

Detective Lorrie told him we had it – apparently so he would back down I suppose?  I must admit I was pissed and disappointed, because I lost my chance to PROVE he was a liar in open court. By the time I went home, he was back parked behind the gas station watching me drive by.

He did backdown and drop the PO’s in court, but he didn’t go away.  This made matters worse.  Can you believe that – it gets WORSE!

March 2nd

My ex-husband Phil comes to get the kids.  He passes stalker at the gas station on the way into my addition and knows he’ll be there on his way out.  Which means he knows the kids are gone.  It never occurred to me that he would instead target my ex and kids.  That’s a mistake.  As Phil passes the gas station, Stalker comes barreling up right behind him.  On his bumper following him.  Phil stops his truck and gets out with a baseball bat.  Stalker got the message and proceeds to pull out and go around them.  To drive the message home, Phil proceeds to follow him for a little while on his ass.  Then turns to take the kids home.

That day Detective Lorrie and another Detective come to my house again to look through my computer.   There is so much, they requested I turn the whole hard drive into them.  After they left, robo calls stated coming to my cell. 57 that day – Just repeating in a weird computer-generated voiceover. He used a voice changer – creating a creepy, computerized voice, “Tramp, Tramp, Tramp, Tramp, Tramp” over and over and over again.

March 3rd & 5th

Hundreds more computer-generated calls, oh god that awful computer-generated voice, they are constantly coming in on the work line, my cell, and Connie’s cell.  They are disgusting – keep getting more and more vulgar and included threats.  Thing like “She is a snitch with scabs in her vagina and she will dieeeeeee…….”

Emails still being sent out all over with the same content.  The pictures are now nudes of someone else’s body with my face.  I’m sleeping with men, women, children and animals, and obviously have a whole host of STDs.  At this point, it feels like everyone, friends, family, work associates and strangers have received the crazy emails.    The police come out and take a report and record all the calls filling out our voicemails.

March 6th

After looking into my “account” in the police computer system, and seeing the retaliations each time I made a report, the progression of events, and that Stalkers Police Officer Friend Bobby was accessing my records, Detective Lorrie said to help the situation she would put a lock on my account, I should call her instead of making police reports.  I started forwarding her all the emails (which I KNOW he can see because of the “ReadNotify” program he added to all of the emails).  This should help.  Case should be wrapped up in about 3 weeks.

***Also Detective Lorrie shares with me in an interview with stalker, he reached over and lightly touched her had and suggested they get drinks when this is all over.  Stalker even contacted her on Match.com and new a lot about her.  Things he shouldn’t have know, personal about her family.  Even she was creeped out.

March 7th – March 12th

I get my computer back with the ok to change my email address again.  Now it’s HidingHilda@—   (Hiding because that’s what I’m doing, Hilda (Dawn + Chris’s last name Hillyer).  Robo calls and emails are continuous.  I’m sure by now you can use your imagination about what they said, and in reality, they were probably worse. Unimaginable.  Seriously sick stuff.

March 13th – April 3rd

Emails have stopped.  Thank god!  Robo calls still come in, but not as often.  A little peace – there has to be a reason.  What was he planning next?  The robo calls are still coming and I’m seeing him everywhere lurking.  He’s been at the stalker lot at work, down the street from my house, the gas station, outside Connie’s house, and in Chris addition.  I must keep on my toes.  Even with no emails, and fewer calls, I still can’t sleep – I know something is coming.

March 29th

I remember I had a birthday party for my twins at an arcade.  Here come the calls.  Threating calls.  We we’re not safe.  We had to leave.  The kids were so disappointed but understood.

I’m calling the detective at least a couple times a week at this point. Connie and I keep pouring through the emails and transcripts of the phone records to tie it together.  I’m wearing thin.  I just want this all to stop AND for him to be held accountable.  You can’t do this to people.  I’m getting frustrated that we’re now going into April and it’s still going on!  I feel like I’m being tortured and like a sitting duck.  He’s planning something.

Chris and I talk about getting firearms. I’ve put it off long enough.  I feel like I can’t protect my kids, let alone myself from stalker.  He’s clearly off his rocker and has followed through with everything he’s said he’s going to do and doesn’t appear to have boundaries.  He says he’s going to kill me, and my family.  I believe him – as big of liar he is, this I truly believed.  I need to take a formal class, get trained and carry. We start looking in getting our permits to carry.  Unfortunately, with all the PO’s and police reports on file along with the fact that if stalker found out he would without hesitation make up some sort of story that could likely wind up with Chris and/or I in jail.  We had to wait.  At least we had guns at his house.

April 3rd– April 29th – Emails start back up on top of everything else.  Terrific.   Here we go again.

I know my time at the staffing service is getting short.  Business has fallen off, we’re consumed with stalker related stuff, the doors are always kept locked, I don’t ever go to networking events, and now the staffing service itself must file police reports and update the computers and security system, because of him.  Believe me, I felt so lucky to still have a job at this point but, if something doesn’t give, I’m going to be a single mom with a stalker, no job, no money, and no home.

April 29th

Oh shit now it seems he’s going after Chris!  I mean, Chris has been great- He’s tolerated this whole thing, and although he wants to kill him, he is smart enough to stay away.  Anything we do or say felt like it could be turned into something else and he gets that.  Chris has been in the group receiving the emails, but now stalker turned his attention on Chris!  Stalker found his ex-wife on match, where he works, his work email, his bosses and the company owners’ email, etc.

Now they (the company Chris works for) start receiving emails.  Emails about me, and emails about Chris.  Terrible, accusing him of being a wife beater, cheat, and they threaten to offer him some “rehab”.  He taunts Chris, basically challenging him to a face to face.  There was no doubt, no doubt at all that Chris would have ended up in jail.  There was no choice but to stand down and try to explain what was going on.

May – Well past the 3 weeks.

Now everyone is getting emails about Chris.  The contact list.  They are all getting emails that Chris is a “wife beater and a cheat”.  Stalker lets Chris know that “S” (Chris’s ex-wife) and he are now friends.  Stalker contacted S on Match.com and they have been hanging out.  He’s ‘getting the scoop’ on Chris. That night, S calls asking Chris for his social security number for some form.  Chris asked her if it’s for stalker – after she confirms they are new friends – and Chris proceeds to warn her about stalker and hangs up.

In the meantime, Connie and I devise a plan to prove it’s stalker.  After creating a hushmail account, she emails ME.  Subject line is dum dum.  It is written in the same context he would send emails and it was probably embarrassing for him to read.  Right after that, Stalker sends me an email as himself letting me know about “keyloggers”.  Connie politely emailed ME again, letting HIM know it was her and now can prove he is the one in my email.  But when we tried to turn it in and explain what it was, it was frowned upon.  There was contact that stemmed from us – even though SHE EMAILED ME, not him… me.

I feel so guilty this is happening to Chris now too.  It wouldn’t be happening to him if it wasn’t for me.  I give him the out.  A no hard feeling out.  I would have totally understood, this is crazy shit -but instead of taking that out, he made it clear he wanted to stay.  We decided to put my house up for sale and kids and I should move in with him.

Honestly at this point I feel like giving up.  I stopped tracking all the times I saw him, it wasn’t doing me any good.  I’m calling and leaving messages for Detective Lorrie all the time, nothing is moving forward, it’s only getting worse.  I’ve lost my independence, I’ve lost all peace, I’m about to lose my job, Phil is keeping the kids more and more, I’m losing my faith, and completely losing myself.   Detective Lorrie encourages me to keep tracking.

More calls to Detective Lorrie.  I’m so frustrated – how can this still be going on?!?!  And now going after Chris!  I feel like giving up, she is working on case should be about 3 more weeks.

June

Emails and other contact has slowed down some.  I have a little room to breathe – but only for a second.

 June 4th

Stalker has an appoint at the police station for a stress test (lie detector).  Surprise, it shows he is being deceitful.

June 5th

Another round of emails go out pertaining to my Dad and how I became such a tramp.  This time he sends them to the “contact list”.  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO SOMETHING!!

More calls to Detective Lorrie, from me, my upset father, from Chris.  We are all upset.  It’s JUNE and this is still happening!

June 13

Detective Lorrie went on vacation for 6 weeks.  Damn.  No one to take the case.  She will work on it when she gets back.

July 7

Chris and I snuck off with a couple of friends and got married.  The week after is when the emails and calls finally slowed down.

From July to December it was quiet. Only an occasional email and occasional sightings – letting us know he’s still there.  It was still tense – weirdly almost more so with the quiet.  We never knew when or where stalker was going to pop back up.  I didn’t think for a second he was gone for good.  And until he was gone, I couldn’t sleep, I had to be alert and on guard all the time – it was exhausting.  It felt like he was out there planning his next move.

I was calling Detective Lorrie once a week to follow up on the case, then backed off to every couple of weeks with very few callbacks.  I talked to her every 6 to 8 weeks or so.  Each time saying just a couple more weeks.  I was definitely having a love hate relationship with her.  But what was I going to do?  I was afraid that she or the powers that be would drop the case. They had made it perfectly clear that was a possibility. It was so frustrating. After everything, I finally have someone who believed me – who could stop him – and I feel like I’m totally getting blown off.

He was going to get away with this.   And who knows when he’d be back – 11 months – 11 days?  Then what? We’d have to start all over?  I was stuck – treading water.  Hiding out, never alone but unbelievably lonely, desperate, helpless and afraid.  I feel guilty that I’ve brought this man into my and others worlds.  This was probably my lowest.  I truly wandered if the kids and Chris would be better off without me.  It was the first time in my life I understood suicide.  It was the first time it made sense to me.  I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about it often during this time.

January ’08 – Ok, New Year – I’ve lived with this for over a year.  15 months to be exact.  My whole life has been turned upside down.

January 11 – Ran into his friend the Police Officer Bobby – didn’t speak to him – but the eye contact said it all.

January 14th

Here we go again with the emails!  Both to myself and Connie – SHIT here we go again.  – Another messages to Detective Lorrie – he’s back.

January 15th

I had had it!  I decided if the police aren’t going to help me – I’ll go public.  Someone will follow up – someone from the media will ask questions. So I contacted Indiana New Center. I figured they would be at the stalking forum presented by the police department and victim assistance that evening at the library.  Bet your ass I was going to that!  I never got contacted by the News Center, but I did get a call back from Detective Lorrie – coincidence? She was going back to the prosecutor’s office at the end of the week to present my case.  Although there was so much, she didn’t know ‘how’ they were going to present, but they were.  That’s great news right!?

So I go to the Stalking Forum that night for Stalking Awareness Month.  It consisted of the Police Sergeant, someone from the Prosecutors Office, Sheriffs, Victims Assistance and the Women’s Bureau.  They gave information on documentation, procedures, pressing charges, victim’s assistance, etc…  It was a joke.  Seriously.  I’m going through this, with these people (or others in their positions) and I can tell you firsthand it was bullshit.  None of them did what they said they were doing.  And the information they are handing out, from what I’ve experienced, isn’t accurate or what they require to build a case.

So, I raised my hand when appropriate and challenged them, asked questions, asked why I wasn’t getting help etc.  The panel asked to speak to me afterwards.  All were very gracious and promised to do all they could to help.  I was happy, I got to make noise and was told by the Sergeant, that knew of my case, the she or Detective Lorrie would call me the following Monday.

January 16th

No call back from the Sergeant or Detective Lorrie – go figure. I call the Women’s Bureau, I’ve never had luck with Victims Assistance but why not try again.  I met with a very nice lady from the Women’s Bureau who could do absolutely nothing to help me and I never hear from her again.

January 22nd

After a number of messages to VA and Detective Lorrie – I finally got a call back.  They are still waiting on the tech guys report.  She understands I’m frustrated but the evidence isn’t all in and what is in is circumstantial. What the heck!?  All the subpoena have went out, we have taped recordings, video, all those emails, lying in court on record, etc..

After another month of no call backs, no movement I decided to seek other outside help.  I emailed anyone I could think of.  Dateline, Dr Phil, Big News outlets, hell even Oprah. Not that it will help, but I did feel better.  Like I was doing something.

Wasn’t until March till I heard from anyone again.  I’m sure they were sick of my weekly phone calls.  But Detective Lorrie called with great news.  Two of the prosecutors are interested in the case and will be working on it together!  They are getting ahold of the National Stalking Resource Center to see if they have a prosecutor familiar with stalking cases to help.  They may actually prosecute.  But I needed to be aware that it was a difficult case, and they may need even more outside help – which was not in the budget – but they are seriously considering prosecuting.  I am not to call or contact the prosecutors.  They will contact me.  Also, stalker turned in a thumb drive from his computer they are going through looking for evidence.

Nothing. Crickets for months.  I was still calling or emailing once a week both Detective Lorrie and the prosecutors now.  Nothing. I again felt like a sitting duck. Didn’t know what car he was driving, where he was and had no idea if and how much danger I was in. I went back the original attorney who made the phone calls before, as well as continued emailing and calling other resources for help.

September 2008

2 years now.  Detective Lorrie calls.  Case is still and still moving forward.  They have some good evidence.  His old friends L & L (came to the PO hearing with newborn) had a falling out.  They were able to give some useful information. Surprisingly, his friend the police officer Bobby also gave some useful information.  Detective Lorrie also informs me that he wasn’t adopted.   Even that was a lie.

Detective Lorrie is ready to type everything up and meet with the prosecutors again.  Shouldn’t be long now (So I was hoping) Thank God, my 2-year protective order will be up shortly!

This is around the time Dr. Phil’s producers call.  They received the case and would like more information.  I started working with his producers to provide them the information they requested.

Winters setting in:

November rolls around and again everything is stalled.  I’m frustrated and furious at the same time.  My PO is up, the case is still sitting there.  I don’t want to get another PO because it may “poke the bear”, although by now, I have no job, no self-esteem, I feel defeated. I call Detective Lorrie to see what I should do regarding the PO.

I’m so pissed at the way things are going I started yelling – “what the fuck am I supposed to do now!” – “Why won’t you do something – this is bullshit”  – CLICK – she hung up on me.

SHIT.  The one person even remotely interested in helping me just hung up on me.

I call and apologize, begging her to continue the case, then went downtown and applied for the new PO.  Since things had calmed down a lot and stalker had backed off, I wasn’t sure if they would grant me another one or not.  They did, and this time he didn’t appeal the 2 yr PO.

I’m continuing to work with Dr. Phil’s people.  We’re on the phone everyday.  They even gave me support to get the PO.  I was invited to be on the show. They also invited stalker, willing to work within the PO parameters.  They also called the Prosecutors for information. I was then informed the case was still moving forward and anything I did could compromise it – so I needed to be very careful.

Nothing ever happened with Dr. Phil past that. I am convinced to this day that is the reason my case ever saw the courtroom.

The next 2 years are a blur. Detective Lorrie had a ton of vacation time and seems to always be gone. I stayed home – hiding. Very rarely left the house, and certainly never alone.  The quietness, with occasional sightings and emails let me know stalker was still there.  Everything I did now was under HidingHilda.  I tried to stay off the radar completely.

In 2009 I decided it was time to go back to work.  Not in a ‘public’ position but in a small, lock the door, sit in my office and do my work kind of thing.  I made an appoint with a therapist to wrap my mind around going back to work, putting a new company in danger and how to handle it.  During my 1st appointment, I told the Dr the abbreviated version of what has happened the past couple of years.  He looked at me with a smirk and said, “paranoid much”.

That was the end of that.  Guess this too I’ll do on my own.  Every time I drive by that building to this day I flip off the building. lol

I did start a part-time position at a publishing company I used to staff for – who eventually ended up creating the design for the HidingHilda logo.  Eventually I went back to full-time work as an Executive Recruiter.

January  – Call from Detective Lorrie – There is a warrant out for his arrest for 3 felony counts of stalking! Oh my gosh… can it be true…

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