FROM FRIENDS TO LOVERS AND BACK<\/p>\n\n\n\n
By Tina B. Tessina, PhD, LMFT<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In my counseling office, I\u2019m often asked about friends who once were lovers, and if they can make the change to friends again. Friendships that go from friends to lovers back to friends can be very close, because you know each other so well. The first thing you need to do is talk about it. Make a deal that you won\u2019t do anything that would jeopardize your friendship, and stick to it. (That means, acting as a friend, and not being jealous if he\/she has a date.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The more emotionally mature you are, the easier it is to re-establish the friendship. Openness increases intimacy. So friends who can talk about everything feel closer than friends who can\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
However, friendships have more limits on sharing than lover relationships do. If you\u2019ve found someone new, you have to consider your sexual partner, too, who might not like his or her privacy invaded; and who might be uncomfortable that you\u2019re close to an ex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Although it may be surprising, many people do become friends again after they\u2019ve divorced or split up. Here are some guidelines for doing that successfully.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, your ex has been hanging around, helping you out with things around the house, eating dinner with you and the kids, or just calling you up to talk about good times in the past. Old, friendly feelings seem to be coming back. Can you really revert to being friends? Here\u2019s how to see if you and your ex can make it work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 Go very slowly. It takes time to get re-organized as friends. Talk about your friendship and tell the truth. If it\u2019s going to work, it will go better if you go more slowly, and you\u2019ll have a chance to build a better foundation than before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 Treat it like a new friendship. Start from the beginning, and do it differently\u2014you have to figure out the difference between being lovers and being friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 Be conscious about being friends\u2014talk about what you miss about your friendship\u2014if you cannot talk honestly about what changed and what to do differently, you won\u2019t succeed<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 Make sure your ex wants the friendship as much as you do. If there are unresolved old feelings, you need to talk about them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 If you run into difficulty, you may want to seek counseling to repair the friendship and resolve the ex-lover relationship. \u00a9 2020 Tina B. Tessina (from Dr. Romance’s Guide to Finding Love Today https:\/\/tinyurl.com\/y8tdwwje<\/a> )<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you are looking for new friends to enjoy the outdoors with check out www.hunting4connections.com<\/p>\n\n\n\n Author Bio: Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. (www.tinatessina.com)<\/a> is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 40 years\u2019 experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 15 books in 17 languages, including Dr. Romance\u2019s Guide to Finding Love Today; It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After Forty; Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences, The Real 13th Step , How to Be Happy Partners: Working it Out Together and How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free. She writes the \u201cDr. Romance\u201d blog (drromance.typepad.com<\/a>), and the \u201cHappiness Tips from Tina\u201d email newsletter. Online, she\u2019s known as \u201cDr. Romance\u201d and offers courses at GenerousMarriage.com . Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, TV, video and podcasts. She tweets @tinatessina<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" FROM FRIENDS TO LOVERS AND BACK By Tina B. Tessina, PhD, LMFT In my counseling office, I\u2019m often asked about friends who once were lovers, and if […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_themeisle_gutenberg_block_has_review":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[67],"tags":[15,18,20,29,38,45],"class_list":["post-33","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dating-advice","tag-couple","tag-dating","tag-dating-after-divorce","tag-life-after-divorce","tag-new-beginning","tag-relationship"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hunting4connections.com\/h4c-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hunting4connections.com\/h4c-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hunting4connections.com\/h4c-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hunting4connections.com\/h4c-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hunting4connections.com\/h4c-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=33"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.hunting4connections.com\/h4c-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hunting4connections.com\/h4c-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=33"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hunting4connections.com\/h4c-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=33"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hunting4connections.com\/h4c-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=33"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}