Grandma\u2019s Dating Advice<\/p>\n\n\n\n
By Tina B. Tessina, PhD LMFT<\/p>\n\n\n\n
While fashions, fads, and technology change, the basic skills of human communication, cooperation and commitment don\u2019t. A healthy, happy, lasting relationship needs the same abilities to share thoughts and feelings with each other, to work through problems with the intent of reaching a solution rather than just browbeating each other about who\u2019s right or wrong, and to hang in there, through good times and bad. What was true in Grandma\u2019s day is often still true today. Here\u2019s some old advice that still is valuable today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Grandma would say: \u201cWhy should he buy the cow when he can get the milk for free?\u201d In other words, don\u2019t be too quick to have sex. This sounds arcane today, but there is a certain truth to it. When you have sex too soon, the power of that connection overshadows all other aspects. When you wait a while and get to know the person you\u2019re about to be intimate with, see that person in a variety of settings, observe him or her interacting with other people, you\u2019ll learn more about the character of the person, and not be quite so susceptible to the surface attributes. This will result in a deeper and more meaningful connection that is more likely to last.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Grandma would ask: \u201cWho are his\/her family?\u201d We are no longer so concerned with class status, but it remains important to know your intended\u2019s background. Observing the way your date\u2019s family interacts will show you what good and bad relating habits your date learned from the cradle. While these habits can be good or bad, and the bad ones can be overcome, understanding family dynamics and traditions will give you insight into a lot of behavior that otherwise wouldn\u2019t make sense<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Grandma would ask: \u201cWhat kind of job does he\/she have?\u201d Many younger people don\u2019t realize that having significant work experience and holding down a job indicates a person has life skills. If your date is out of school and doesn\u2019t have a reliable income, it could be an indication that he or she isn\u2019t mature enough for a responsible relationship. If you just want a temporary playmate, this is fine, but if you want a partner you can build a life with, including savings, a family, and a future, take a look at the date\u2019s financial habits and achievements.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Grandma would say: \u201cNever let the sun go down on an argument\u201d I see so many couples who have long-standing resentment from arguments they haven\u2019t resolved for months or years. While it can be useful to take a break and give both of you time to calm down so you can reach an agreement, it is not helpful to avoid talking about things that are upsetting to one or both of you. Resolve things as timely as you can. Learn negotiation skills so you can solve problems together. If a problem is hanging around and not getting solved, or an argument keeps recurring, make a therapy appointment to get an objective opinion on what\u2019s blocking your connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Grandma would say: \u201cDon\u2019t give up. Fix whatever is broken.\u201d This is advice that I think is sorely needed in relationships today. The seemingly easy availability of other people to date through apps makes it seem simple to let go and do something else. Keep in mind no relationship is perfect, and most issues can be fixed. By working on whatever is not going well in your current relationship, you will learn critical skills, and if it doesn\u2019t work out in the end, you\u2019ll have a much better understanding of what you need for the next relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Grandma\u2019s advice comes from long-life experience, so heeding it can increase your happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00a9 2020 Tina B. Tessina (from Dr. Romance’s Guide to Finding Love Today https:\/\/tinyurl.com\/y8tdwwje<\/a> )<\/p>\n\n\n\n Author Bio: Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. (www.tinatessina.com)<\/a> is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 40 years\u2019 experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 15 books in 17 languages, including Dr. Romance\u2019s Guide to Finding Love Today; It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After Forty; Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences, The Real 13th Step , How to Be Happy Partners: Working it Out Together and How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free. She writes the \u201cDr. Romance\u201d blog (drromance.typepad.com<\/a>), and the \u201cHappiness Tips from Tina\u201d email newsletter. Online, she\u2019s known as \u201cDr. Romance\u201d and offers courses at GenerousMarriage.com. Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, TV, video and podcasts. She tweets @tinatessina<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Grandma\u2019s Dating Advice By Tina B. Tessina, PhD LMFT While fashions, fads, and technology change, the basic skills of human communication, cooperation and commitment don\u2019t. A […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_themeisle_gutenberg_block_has_review":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[67],"tags":[5,18,26,28,45,53],"class_list":["post-25","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dating-advice","tag-advice","tag-dating","tag-happiness","tag-kindness","tag-relationship","tag-skills"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hunting4connections.com\/h4c-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hunting4connections.com\/h4c-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hunting4connections.com\/h4c-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hunting4connections.com\/h4c-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hunting4connections.com\/h4c-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=25"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.hunting4connections.com\/h4c-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hunting4connections.com\/h4c-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=25"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hunting4connections.com\/h4c-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=25"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hunting4connections.com\/h4c-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=25"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}